?? ....... ??????

An actual blog post, I'm so sick of these blogs, these stupid things, all of these reviews and everything. people talking like they know things. Well, here we go.

"Derek is not his name" is going in a different direction, and I'm not going to pretend like people care but I just figured I'd write something and this would motivate me to move forward. I have the last chapter written, and I have some others written too. But what I want to do is rewrite the first section, just edit it a little bit, keep it raw, then post a chapter at a time. I don't expect this to be published, ever, I don't know how good at is and I'm sure I'll look at it in a year (or maybe even when I'm rewriting them) and be in shame. I'm not a writer, and I don't like when people call me a writer.

Film always comes first, and nowadays, so does my happiness. I thought the whole story was an interesting concept and I was really affected by the whole thing, so I wrote. And then other things happened in my life, kioerfk, it59, and it worked in the writing too, so I wrote that. But it's all so defeating, I grew sick of things, and here I am with the last chapter, on paper, not typed up yet. It's going to be weird getting back into things, it won't be fake because I'll have to dive back into that mindset. Right now, Derek is gone and that's fine. I think we grow up and we realize that we need to stop being selfish. The whole story, the whole time, it was all really fucking selfish, undeniably selfish, and why should someone that doesn't want to be friends with me (or anyone, for that matter) be forced to? It was all funny, the search for Derek, planning a trip to go find him, but it's not like something happened and where did he go, he removed himself for a purpose, and I can spend my whole life wondering why, and through this writing I didn't learn why, but I learned to just shut the fuck up. I have plenty of people here that I want to be with and they want to be with me, and there it is, it's like when someone gives us a compliment and it means nothing but if someone insults us it goes the whole way. Oh, out of commission for two days. Well, forget that. It's all a joke.

So the whole thing will go on until it is done and I willput it upfor free and clean upthesite and make it look kinda nice, and I will still be practicing my Thomas Bernhard for section two, so we can all look forward to that, well, some of us, I suppose.

I'm also going to change all the names in the rewrites, take out some of thesillier stuff, some of it, some of it needs to stay raw. But yeah, sorry Katy, you'll probably be Amanda or Jill or something.

shrug. well wellwellscooters vacation fall who wants to go on a trip?