I don't like living in a dirty town

I always wonder if I'm being too obsessive. I talk about Ryan and how he's in it with me, and that we're on the same page, but look at me in comparison to him - look at what I'm doing! I can say why this bothers me enough to write something like this about Derek, and anyone who won't spend more than a few seconds thinking about it will write me off as "obsessed" or "in love with him" or "get a life" or "leave me alone" or "leave him alone". But even those people who will spend more than seconds thinking about it... will the conclusion be much different? They'll understand, yes, sir, I can see why this bothers you. But...?

People come and go. We've all grown up with people and had friends that you can no longer talk to for whatever reason. Be it change in interest, growing apart, something... that's always been strange to me. Do people change that much? I don't think they do. I mean, of course, sometimes people are friends because of convenience - you work with them, you sit next to them in class, that goes without saying. I do find it odd, losing touch with someone in this day and age - the age of social networks such as MySpace and Facebook (which people only use to talk to people they already know anyway: we all know that trying to make friends through these sites is a failing mission, we know it already so don't think anymore about it). Friends of convenience is bothersome because it takes one person to declare it and one person to accept it. That means that, well, we'll take it from the top. Two people are friends in history class. Man, this teacher is the worst. Eventually they find other things to talk about. Eventually they hang out, and then the year ends. They don't talk much over summer, and in fall it's different. But why? We've already moved on from the history class and done so much else to this friendship, it has evolved. The one person, upon seeing or hanging out with the other, has taken that awkward first-day-back encounter and decided that it is no longer convenient or comfortable to put effort into this friendship, therefore, they decide that they will not try. Yes we should hang out! Empty words make empty sentences, my friend. We should do that, yes, well, I'll get lunch today. The other person will try and bring it up, and eventually they'll just come to terms with the fact that that person no longer wants to be friends with them for a completely lazy and offensive reason.

That sounds hateful. It's annoying to me. But I'm not talking about Derek. Derek's case is different. 

I was eating with a few of my friends yesterday. A bunch of school friends, and Jack (I will say Jack so his students don't search for him and find this blog, then he'll just have to hear about it.) It was a very successful collision of friends, things like this don't usually work out, but Jack was well received and he liked everyone as well. I was happy. However, of course, Derek came up. Then again, of course, I brought him up. Nothing upsetting, I just wanted to get a thought cleared.

I asked Nee if Derek had been on the "Siblings" set. It seemed right, had he been? He said yes, that he came for the first day but not for the others after that. But he was supposed to. I think I even brought it up to him, and he said he didn't want to or he didn't think they needed him, or he didn't know why they needed him. I could be making that up, though. Memory is very unreliable. Which is why we held that conversation, and it's also why I'm doing what I'm doing.

Nee went on to say things like what happened to that kid, where'd he go? It didn't spread to the table and it didn't go much further. I shouldn't have brought it up, that's all I ever do now, well that's not true, but I'm starting to wonder if people are thinking that I think too much about him. A week or two ago I was talking to Alex, and he mentioned that Paul had saw him in a car on campus. This was important! So I asked Paul about it, and he said he thought he saw him in a red car with a girl outside of the film building. Red car, now, possibly, maybe he got a new car, or it was his parents' or his girlfriend's. I think Paul said that he waved to Derek, and Derek smiled and drove away, but it was so quick that he couldn't tell what it actually was.

Immediately I texted Ryan about it. This week I am going to school, and it just now occurs to me that I could ask the head of the department for some information, and I probably will do that. When I think of him on the set of "Siblings", I think of the production lab shoot that Ryan did, and how Derek was the DP for one of the scenes. He didn't load the camera right, or he didn't cover it properly with tape, and some light leaked in. At this point in the school year, we were all very irritated at the program and the professors, and even each other (I will go out on a limb and say that we still, to this day, all love each other, and if people disagree with me I think they should really think about it because we were all in it together and any petty argument and such about our undergraduate films are no large deal in the long run, and again I am not being specific, why do you always think I'm actually talking about someone? If I am I'll use their name. But no I'm not talking about anyone in particular, just when you're a film major the only reason to get mad at other film majors is because of projects you've worked on, there.) So, reviewing the footage, the teachers started to tell him he did it wrong, and it was clear to everyone that Derek made a mistake. So he was going to leave and opened the door, and the professor said something to him, and he laughed and said he wanted to leave. As he left, she called to him, and he just laughed the whole way down. 

I thought that was great! That's something you read, people don't act like that, he did, he actually laughed in that situation and probably laughed even though we couldn't hear him any more. I don't remember if they said anything about it afterwards, after he left, but it wasn't that good if they did. And good this was-

Today, at Coach, an employee came in, we will call her Fall because I don't know these people that well and who knows if they want to have anything to do with what I'm doing. My friends have no choice. Unless they tell me. But you won't know if I change their name or not. Usually I'm honest but I'll probably lie about stuff every now and then. So Fall came in and I said "There she is!" and she smiled, laughed, was happy, didn't really know what I meant by that, but knew it was a good thing.

Derek made that up. When a friend of yours comes in, usually unexpected, say you're eating with your friends and your friend Martin comes in, what do you say? Well you're probably happy that he's here. I would point at him and say "Yes!!". People who like to take a long time with everything would say "Hey what's up man why are you here?" and stuff like that. Takes so long. Or you would have an inside joke to say, or do something like "Martin's gay!" and then you hide really poorly so he knows it's you saying it. There are so many options!!

Derek, if he saw Martin, would say "There he is!" And this is always good. I don't like explaining things like this, even the jokes and lingo my friends and I use, I like it to just be there and to be accepted, because they're not that hard - this is the thing that gets to me - things that people will get if they had just thought about it for a little bit, they get frustrated because it is not completely familiar to them and spelled out to them right away. We, as a society, always keep up with ridiculous slang, it's brought up and dropped so quickly and we're fine with it - the word "mad" I used to say in a joke voice, it has entered my regular vocabulary on occasion and nothing upsets me more than that, as you can tell the pain in my voice as it leaks out that I don't like it - either way though, Let's get to the point, I'll explain "There he is!" and why it is good and for any occasion.

If you see Martin and say "There he is!" in a positive way, that makes Martin think that you've been wondering where was or talking about him in a good way. Of course, this all depends on the tone, but to say "There he is!" in any other tone is just a waste of everyone's time. So say it in a nice tone. So yes, people like to be thought about by their friends, it's good when you see a clear display of affection from your friends. People always need to be shown things, if you're friends with someone you should already know they like you, I mean maybe everyone's nervous about losing their friends - read above, it's completely legitimate, so I understand. But yes, that saying is a good one because it starts things off on the best foot you could never dream of having. It almost always brings a smile, even if they don't get it right away, they'll still enjoy it.

Deploy it, use it, it was Derek's but he was not selfish with his sayings and doings.

Well, I mean, maybe that can be debated.