Help is on the way

Junior year, we had a brilliant class. Our professor told us to come up with one scene that would be one shot. This was probably the best directing practice I've ever had, and, of course, the class was a one-time-only deal because people complained to the department head. It's a shame, I should tell her that it was a good class.

So I think about this class, then Derek's idea, which he didn't do. I'm pretty sure that he pitched his idea for the American Soldier Suicide Bombers, but that was rejected. I'm thinking of his other idea.

It had something to do with a man hitting on a woman... and then there were gunshots. The woman then reveals that she is a man, and an undercover doctor of some sort. It sounds silly but that's only because I can't remember the exact details. She tries to help the hurt man, and that's about where it ends, with the man bleeding on the sidewalk, the man doctor still looking like a woman but has already revealed himself, and the man who was hitting on the doctor trying to help in anyway possible.

These things, such as his script ideas, other things too, it all didn't seem like anything to me at the time, they didn't represent anything bigger or really affect me until now. Sure, if you boil things down, if you make them vague enough, you can fit any situation. 

See: Nostradamus & 9/11.

It's not perfect, and nothing really fits that well, but if I sit down with it for a long time, it just might. I spoke to Ryan last night for a long time, and we were just honest with each other about a lot of things, which is good, and we spoke about this and what we're trying to do. He was worried about writing, not this but something else, as he didn't want to get sued or anything. I encouraged him to do it, who cares, whatever happens happens, and then I said that he shouldn't be nervous about that person but this person is the one he should be nervous about.

With a smile he mentioned that every time we spoke about Derek, weird/mysterious/scary music should play. That amused me, but I couldn't help but shake a little bit, and then spit out "Something's going to happen."

What did that mean? Something's going to happen? I said it four times, I think, and I meant it. He'd find this, and something would happen. He'd catch wind of the script, when we did that, and something would happen. He'd see the movie, he'd hear of it's completion, and something would happen. And from the tone of my voice as it came out, it wasn't going to be good.

We wouldn't die, but would it go legal? It could. I wouldn't put it passed him, and I also wouldn't blame him. 

Ryan also mentioned that we think about it so much, but he probably doesn't think about us at all. I never really thought about that, and now that I am thinking about it, it makes me seem much more creepy and it makes me wonder if I should just get over it or not, stop exploring my feelings and memories because nothing will come of it.

That's something that should be taken into account. What will come of it? You write something personal... I always felt that if you were to do a film (or it could be any art), you should present a question... an argument... some sort of idea, a statement, something. If it's personal, that's great too, and if the story's good and it engages the audience, that's Great Three. But what could this be? It can't be an effort to "get him back"... like, it can't be this that will make him realize that we were good friends and nothing major happened to really justify him cutting ties with us. I haven't made him seem like a great guy or a terrible guy, just a human being, and if I was trying to praise him so he could see that I did care about him, I failed. I think, I think you can see that I care. That's obvious. But this, in no way imaginable, will get him to start talking to me again.

It's not to understand why it happened in the first place. I don't think. It's getting a bit more clear, but it wasn't really foggy to begin with. I'm realizing things I might have done, and remembering things he had done, and its very obvious why things never got resolved. As things become more and more clear, it helps me less and less. So how much I harass someone, directly or indirectly, before... well, before what? Before they tell me to stop? If he messaged me, or called me, something, and told me to stop, what the hell would that prove? What am I trying to do here? Memory after memory, after this after that, what is it?

Derek worked at some garbage place in Vermont. Ryan found his phone number, he was listed on it's website. We don't know if he's there or not (how could we) and I dared Ryan to call him. He said he would, and he didn't. Then I said I would.

Next week, I'm going to call him.