It's all finally over.

So if I found all of this, and it wasn't about Derek and it was about me, I'd be very uncomfortable. Right. But this is a character. It's not me. It's mostly me, sometimes not mostly... I don't walk down the street thinking Derek. I'm not always ailed by his disappearance and in bleak confusion over my role in it. Does bleak work? It will, for now.

I only think of him when I write. (That's not completely true - Ed.) I only write when I feel compelled to. I can't imagine ever reading this outloud, memoir, whatever it was just became diary bull shit. Me me me, derek derek derek in lower case for some reason. If I stop writing, well, obviously it'd be in my best interest to stop. I'm worried about legal action or someone (okay Derek it's you) taking this terribly personally in a negative way. One thing's for sure, we will never be friends again. Maybe if I didn't do this, I'd find him in 20 years and we'd be okay. Maybe not, of course, but we'd have that possibility. That's all we have is that slight possiblity. That's all we got going. This is all embarrassing me.

?

Walking walking walking to the/away from